Continued (story)..............(end)

I said it felt the presence of another. I slowly zoomed out of just seeing you and saw a figure actually a very familiar figure it was Dani from class, but the look on your face was just as priceless as mine. I saw the full picture it was you and Dani, not you and I. Now it was like a tape rewinding and all the things that I never really payed attention to between you two was so bold and profound. It was like glass clashing on the ground, but instead of glass it was my heart something I'd never seen or even allowed others to see, it fell and broke. The pain was indescribable, and then you saw the tears that no one had seen before. I closed the door and never had any intention of opening it again, just like my heart it could never be opened again to anyone. you stood at that door seeing all the signs that I sent you, and then Dani turned you around and kissed you. Little did you know I was watching through the window and sadly to admit it looked just right, but for some reason there were tears streaming down your face. You called that night and I refused to answer. When your name appeared on my caller ID the radio volumed increased, and our song was on "chasing cars by turn around" and as he said "if I lay here, if I just lay here would you lay with me and just forget the world", and then the instrumentals just stabbed at my soul as the razor slit my wrist. Blood poured out of my opening like the lyrics to that song poured the truth out of my soul. Hours passed and I bled out, and I watched my body lay there as my soul rose. I just sat there with my body and finally the cops burst through my front door because I couldn't answer the door myself (apparently my neighbors couldn't take the sound of my favorite song on surround throughout the house). Slowly they opened my bed room door and as they crashed to the floor to check my pulse I just looked at them. The paramedics showed up shortly with their sirens, and of course all the neighbors came out along with Charlie. all the neighbors were shocked and in awe because the lonely kid on the block was the only one in there for weeks because the kids parents went away, so imediately you ran toward the slab they had my body lie on, and you screamed my name "AMARI! AMARI! No!", and as the cops held you back they said "excuse me, are you Charlie Sanders?" "Yes?" you replied "this is for you". It was the lyrics to my favorite song that we song everytime it came on the radio or just in our quiet moments: "We'll do it all Everything On our own We don't need Anything Or anyoneIf I lay hereIf I just lay hereWould you lie with me and just forget the world? I don't quite know How to say How I feel Those three words. Are said too much. They're not enough. If I lay hereIf I just lay here. Would you lie with me and just forget the world? Forget what we're told. Before we get too old. Show me a garden that's bursting into life. Let's waste time Chasing cars. Around our heads. I need your grace. To remind me. To find my own. If I lay here. If I just lay here. Would you lie with me and just forget the world? Forget what we're told. Before we get too old. Show me a garden that's bursting into life. All that I am. All that I ever was. Is here in your perfect eyes, they're all I can seeI don't know where. Confused about how as well. Just know that these things will never change for us at all. If I lay here. If I just lay here. Would you lie with me and just forget the world?" and then in small print under it says "I layed with you and forgot the world, and learned that nothing mattered, but you and that smile, you saw all the brusies and scars, and you truly know that there was no one else in this house, but me. I was no longer alone because I had you. Charlie is the name embeded in my heart and mind. Some may say infatuation, others may say obsession, but Charlie you were always and will always be my love." I said my words to you and as you read it I stood right beside you and song the song in your ear. As the song ended and the instrumentals ceased my ghostly facade disappeared as your tears dropped, but the last words I said before I disappeared was I may be man, but charlie you were what made me super..Bye......

Continued (story)..............

Weeks past and then the day that made me dread my very existance occurred, and that was the start of winter break. I hated it because for weeks you had told me that there was no cell phone reception and no telephone usage period when you went to North Dakota every winter break with your parents. Knowing that I wouldn't see that smile or those eyes besides at night when I looked at the stars or hear that voice drove me insane. You left and you gave me a hug, but I felt this emptiness that I never felt before when your car pulled out of your drive way, and at that moment I knew that I would never be able to fill the void that you left in me. You left and my days felt like eternities. I counted the hours and days until your return, and when it finally did come I knew I had to tell you, because if I didn't I'd die. I couldn't give up, and the truth had to prevail. You pulled into your drive way and ran in the direction of my house, rang my door bell and as I opened it the first thing I heard before I saw anything was "amari" in a low tone, and I looked up and hugged you so tight and it slipped, but I meant it in every aspect of the word and I said "Charlie I missed you so much, man did I miss you" and then you said "I missed you too" and then it finally slipped and I said " you just don't understand I love you so much".......

Continued (story)......

You came out and for once I did something that was real, something that had never happened again and that was smile. Your smile as you walk down that stairs captivated me, and your eyes sparkled like stars. You left me breathless. We got in your car and just drove off, and unlike ordinary people who go to the store or maybe even a fast food resturant, we went to the beach and talked as the sunset. the feeling was incomprehensible I felt so alive and could continue talking to you for days, but settled for the 4 and 1/2 hours we sat in the sand talked and gazed into each others eyes. You drove home and the car was filled with laughter and when we pulled into the drive way neither of us wanted to part, but sadly we did when your father came out to call you in. You gave me a hug and unlike my house I felt like I was home. They say home is where the heart is, and that night you became my heart, moon, sun, and stars. That night I lie in bed and the only thing that came to mind was that name "Charlie", and to feel like I was home I moved my bed toward the window so I could see the stars, your eyes before bed everynight. I felt this gravotational pull, like as I was looking at these two particular stars that hovered over our street you, Charlie were looking at the same two thinking of me while I was thinking of you. Of course being that we're teenagers we switch cell numbers and just as I had said "goodnight Charlie" aloud you sent me a text saying "goodnight Amari" I went to sleep that night knowing I had made it, I had made it home. Everyday after that night we spent the day together in school laughing in class walking home oppose to riding the bus just so we can have some alone time. In my mind it was Charlie and Amari against the world was how I saw it, but slowly my feelings grew and grew and in my heart it was still Charlie and Amari against the world but underneath that in parenthesis was (together forever)........

Continued (story)

you lived down the street from me I found out later when I saw you walking into your house one day as i was being driven home from my shrink; across the street and 15 houses down to be exact. Though I never really went outside because i was never really into people when I noticed you lived on my street I ventured into the place I'd only traveled in my mind and that was the outside. The days of laying in bed thinking about you was no longer enough, and when I wasn't prepared when I had just gotten out and felt the moisture in the air of Washington you called my name as you were washing your car. Shocked my heart dropped and though it was cold and dark my skin felt like it was on fire and inflamed with heat. My eyes got big and my hands got clammy I was ready to take off in a sprint, but something about the lightness of your voice melted the rubber of my shoes to the ground and I simply stood there as you approached. "Amari?" you said in a questionable manner that blew my mind. "Hi, my names Charlie you're in my class, right?" "Yes", I replied with a shakey voice. Charlie the name of an angel I thought that at that moment just by knowing your name I fulfilled my purpose in life. I saw your eyes and smile and it took me by storm. Speechless was what I was with every moment you spent talking to me, and at that moment everyone in my new town saw that I could smile. "You're always alone, and dont really talk to many, but you look very different, something I'd like to learn about, so can we hang out?" "When?" I replied not being able to to take my eyes off you. "How about now?", you said "Sure", I replied. You ran in the house to get your car keys and I watched and from that moment on I knew my life would no longer be the same.

I may be man, but you are what makes me super (story)

My facade melts, my truth prevails, my eyes open, and my heart drops. Its no longer and "I" against the world, but instead a "we". No longer alone and finally understood. Superman I am with you as my krypyonite and the strength to fight against society. Now I can have my darkest days and you be my light. The days begin with the sun for society, but my day only begins with you. So with you my story starts and with you my story ends. I saw you walk out of the store near by my new home, hoping wishing you would be going to my school so i'd get the opportunity to talk to you or even get you to look at me. I don't know what it was was about you that caught my eye because I never really cared about the squaders called people that surrounded me. When you walked out as I walked in thajt store my life changed and as nights and days passed i yerned to see you and only you. School started, and lucky me you were in my class. You became my favorite drug that I got my daily but my fix wasn't potent enough to have me last the weekends. I became depressed because like i suspected you were an amazing person, and had ceased to see me (or so I thought). You never judged and talked to the ones others didnt, and lucky me I was next on your list....

Mother

She was once put upon a pedestal high above anyone else, but alone she brought herself down. She changed and in my eyes so did her name so i gave this new woman a new title and that title is zoe. I call her zoe because zoe means life and when she put the bottle to her lips thats what it took away from her. Slowly the face that i loved so much faded and the smile became a confused drunken grin, my mother was gone. Yes, she came back every once and a while, but it was never the same. Slowly i stopped liking her though i loved her from my soul, but the way she treats and talks to me hurts to the soul. Her hugs no longer keep me warm, but instead suffocate me, and her kisses no longer make me smile, but make me sick. She told me that drinking was her choice, so basically she decided to hurt me. Over and over this occurs, she kicked me out and shattered my soul, so if the woman who gave birth to me doesn't love me why should anyone else........?

Summer

ii thought me being untitled meant that i was unknown by the rest of the world not myself. i thought i belonged to myself and others like me, but apparently i was wrong. I was and am understood, but alone i am and a alone it seems as if i will remain. The summer is suppose to be about enjoying your friends and family, but what if you dont understand yourself and are not to sure if you have friends? Lost i am ,not in society this time, but within myself. Im tired and the stress is tearing me down. I'm done. Alone I live, alone I cry, and alone I die. Summer about fun? For me summer is about finding myself and finding out where I stand, because when it all falls down its me standing alone and no one to whipe away the tears. Summer fun, and im lost as summer has just begun.

lost (quick thought)

I feel like i'm competing for something I shouldn't be trying to win.
It's like a match, you fix what's broken within.. Without you i'm lost
I'd never be right again (not that i'm right in the head right now anyway).

untitled

I am untitled because I can not and will not fit within societies exspectations. Original unknown until met. Pain and deciet lifes two things that are in endless supply. I've lost and I've loved and they've both left me empty. I came to a new world, I saw it for what it had to offer, and I conquered the obstacles thrown at me daily. The only thing that I've ever wanted was acceptance, to be me and have someone to understand. That shoulder that most cry on is what I searched for for so long, but the reason I never found was because I was afraid and not only hid myself from society in turn i hid myself from myself. It came a day when I had to open up, because in turn society could never change me no matter what, I was and am gonna be me because it's not hurting anyone but myself. I've met people, I've lost people, I've loved people, and that encouraged me to be great. My pen and paper allows me to create a world all my own, a world far from fiction, but instead reality, to face truths, and fight the lies. To embrace the emotions that I hide within. So one day I met someone, jonathan is his name and his stories captivated me and in turn inspired me to write one of my own, because he is the person that I wanted to understand me, but what I learned is that I was tired of hiding from them all, so the story that I'm writing isn't just for me or a tribute to jonathan, but a tribute to society who refuses to understand or know people like me. A story? No, a review of what life for others is like that most refuse to show. Hollow, empty, forgotten, lost. I am untitled.....